I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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