haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
