Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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