chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
