I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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