He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
