oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love you.
Bad choice
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
