I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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