yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
