i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
