Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
