I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
In America we eat man semen.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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