I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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