you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
