She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
