You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
