; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You smell like stripper and shame
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
