Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
