I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
