I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
