Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
