my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
