theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You can't motorboat a personality
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
