I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
