I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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