My sheets look like a crime scene.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
