She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
