They should really pass out barf bags in church
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
