Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
