It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
