I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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