Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
