hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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