im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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