Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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