No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
