girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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