Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
