So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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