She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
