he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
