apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
