watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
