I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
