it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
