if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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