Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
