By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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