Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
where am i from again
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
