she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
