Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
