is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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